So I was just snapping some limos in the parking lot at Newark Liberty International and this guy walks over with his passengers looking a little worried, like "Why is this guy taking photographs of my limo?"
So I explained that I like to take photos of limos and I offered to take his photo with the limo. That brought a big smile to his face, as you can see. I retouched the original image and did it old-fashioned style. I like it! What do YOU think?
It's bad enough when my passengers call me 'Hey Driver' but when they start yellin' "Yo, niggah! pull over, we gotta piss!"--then you gotta earn some respect.
The call is for the Hummer Stretch (partial interior view shown at right) for a 10:00 pm pickup in the Valley heading to Philadelphia-- ninety minutes away.
Somebody's Baby is putting close to $1000 on her plastique for this rig for the Birthday Boy and she ain't even ridin the hog! Momma says "I'm just goin to sleep. I can't come along cause I'm pregnit".
The cast 'n crew doesn't really sport the Major Bling, but hey! when all the Bro's 'n Ho's cut the tab it's only about $75 apiece for the sweetest ride in town.
No rushing these Bad Boys. Pickup is at ten and I'm parked outside, lights on from 9:45 but no one steps into the ride until well after midnight.
"Where to?" I ask. They shout out the name of a fine dining establishment in the cit-ay.
"Strange", I think to myself. "This place will be closed by the time we get there. And they sure won't get in there dressed and acting like they are. Maybe there's an after-hours club nearby. Not my prob. Not my job". I slide up the Privacy Partition and cruise on down the road. They hollah and we pull over for a couple six-packs of Red-Bull.
The music is bangin, the reefer is seepin through to the cab. I roll down the window to clear the air. It's nice driving the big, black stretch hummer. It definitely attracts a certain crowd. Last time I drove this beast I had to call the cops on my peeps. I hate when that happens, but the anger violence just got way over the line. They were disrespecting each other. And the vehicle. And me.
The cops found two guns in the back. I had them everyone kicked out, except for the ones that got away and ran out the back when they saw the red & blues down the block. "Driver! Get outta here! Just go!", they hollered.
"Sorry, I got a red light here".
A week later there was a triple homicide--execution style--young women murdered in cold blood--on the block where I picked these hip-hop executives up.
But that was then. Tonight was fine dining in Philadelphia.Yeah, right.
It's bad enough when my passengers call me 'Hey Driver' instead of my real name, but when they start yellin' "Yo, niggah! pull over, we gotta piss!" and "What the fuck is wrong wit dis niggah, tell him to stop the fuckin' car or I'm gonna piss right here!"--then you gotta earn some respect.
I hit the main power switch to the rear compartment. No twinkly lights. No more thumpin music. I calmly but clearly announced that I would pull over as soon as I could find a safe and legal spot to park.
"Just pull over right here!" they demanded.
"Sorry, I can't do that", I replied.
"Why not? Just pull over on the shoulder so we can take a leak!"
"I can't legally stop here, and it would be unsafe", I answer.
Fortunately there's a pull-off ahead. I pull off, but need to back up to get into the space. The rear door opens, the cabin lights go on. I hit the power switch again and yell as loud as I can, "Get back in the car and close the door until the vehicle stops! I have to back up and I don't want to run over anybody!" They get back in, I back up and they get back out to piss.
A woman comes up the aisle to my window and says, "Are you alright?"
"Sure!" I answer. "What do you mean, am I all right? I'm fine!"
"Well you pulled off the road all crazy. What you drinking? You must be drinking something! What you drinking? "
"How dare you!" I answer. "Next time these guys need a rest stop they can wait until I get to a real rest stop!"
"Don't mind her", another guy tells me. "She's drunk!"
No kidding.
The night was a little rough, but no one got hurt. We didn't manage to get out of the cit-ay without being surrounded by cop cars and having my passengers questioned about their activities, but I'll tell you more another time.
I didn't get home until 9:00 am. I'm tired.
Y'all have fun, now, Y'hear?
My friends and family often have a hard time coming to grips with the last minute and constantly changing nature of my schedule as a limo driver.
If a plane is rerouted or delayed I have to be flexible in order to accommodate the passenger. If the bachelor party or Atlantic City bash goes on four hours overtime, then I like to accommodate my passengers. If the office calls with a last minute trip and it looks worth my time, I’ll often apologize for my change of plans and take the work.
But tonight was really a winner!
I was already scheduled and confirmed over 24 hours in advance for a 12:45 AM trip; EWR to Nazareth, PA. I had to forgo some party plans with a (very sweet) new friend, in order to get some sleep for the late-night journey. But, hey! It’s work.
The office dispatcher calls me around 5:00 PM and asks if I would also like add another trip at 3:30 AM from Allentown to PHL.
I say,"‘Sure".
About ten minutes later the dispatcher calls me again and asks if I would like to skip the second trip and instead do a 5:45 AM pickup in NYC going to Allentown.
“5:45 AM? That’s not my best time of day. Let me have just five minutes to make a clear decision. I don’t want to agree to something I’ll regret”.
Easy decision. It may not feel great, but it’ll look good on the paycheck. I called back within two minutes and to claim the additional NYC trip.
The dispatcher says, “Well, you said you didn’t want it because it was too far.”
“I never said anything like that. Did you give it to someone else already? You said you would give me five minutes to make a decision.”
“Look, we got 55 trips for tomorrow. I'm trying to get this done. Here, I have something even better for you. How about a 4:45 AM pick up at EWR?”
“No thanks!" I say. "I don’t want to be standing around the terminals at EWR at 5:00 in the morning. I have a doctor appointment at 1:30 and by the time I get back I’ll only get 3 hours sleep.”
“Don’t sleep”, he says. “Just have some coffee and stay awake until after your doctor appointment.”
“No thanks, I have to be well-rested for a 10:00 PM request at Newark after that.”
After putting me on hold and conferring with another dispatcher in the office he says, “OK, we’ll put you on the original 12:45 AM EWR and the 5:45 AM NYC. I’m going to confirm you on this now. You want it?”
“YES!”
“OK. You got it!”
A few minutes later the phone rings again.
“OK, Chris. This is the last time I’m gonna call you.”
“That’s good”, I say, “because I’m going to turn off my phone in a few minutes and get some rest.”
“Good idea, now listen—you have two choices. One, we can put you on the two Newark back-to-backs that you originally had. Or two, we can keep you on the 12:45 AM Newark and the 5:45 AM NYC pickup. Or—you can just do the NYC and skip both Newarks. Or—you can just do–nothing.”
I realize he's not only a great dispatcher, but is also good with numbers.“Well let’s just keep it the way you confirmed it: 12:45 Newark and 5:45 NYC.”
"But", he says, “I’d like to keep those two Newarks back-to-back.”
“OK, if you have them both covered, I’ll just do the NYC.”
“OK, you want just the NYC?”
“OK, as long as you got the two Newarks covered.”
“I got them covered.”
“Great! Then I’ll get some sleep and do the NYC at 5:45 AM. Right? I have nothing tonight and nothing else in the morning, just the 5:45 NYC right?”
“You got it! All set!”
“Good. I’m going to get some sleep.”
Not so fast. This isn't Staples. It isn't that easy. My phone rings again a few minutes later. This time it’s a different dispatcher. I think the first guy got embarrassed at all the--umm--what would you call it? He sends in a woman for the final kill.
“Hey Chris, we can’t give you that New York pickup because another driver was requested for it", she says.
Now this is very strange! The trip sheet they emailed to me says it’s a large corporate account with the corporate grunt staying at the glorious Holiday Inn Express. After more than a dozen years driving and dispatching, and consulting on limo transport marketing, I can assure you that it is extremely rare for these types of accounts to request a particular driver. We’re little more than a glorified cab service for them. They really don’t give a damn who the hell picks up the corporate grunt[1] from the Holiday Inn Express at 5:45 in the morning.
So now after all this confusion, chaos and interruption of my personal time, and waste of my cell phone minutes; the dispatchers are outright lying to me. Oh they have it all together in there.
I’m not surprised.
“We can give you the two Newark trips, though”, she says.
“No thanks, let’s just forget the whole thing. I just got like 16 reschedules in the past 20 minutes. My head is spinning. I’ll just take the day off."
[1] The passenger really is just a corporate grunt as a no-returns Google search quickly reveals.
Congratulations and Happy THREE-OH! WhooHoo!
CHECK THE 10-SECOND VIDEO AT BOTTOM FOR Mariah's twin (pictured at right)! Tell me if you agree! Everyone who sees this charming girl says Oh! Is that Mariah Carey?
Here is some video and photos that I captured from a Prom I did at St Demetrius in Carteret, New Jersey, June of 2007. They are all beautiful and polite and wonderful youngsters. They had a great time.
The BIGGEST LIMO and the BEST LIMO COMPANY won't do you any good unless you have the right limo driver.
Don't be bashful, don't be shy. We're all adults here, aren't we?
Enjoy your Private Party or Love-Fest in a sweet, sexy limo, with tinted windows, banging stereo sound, a clean soft comforter and some big fluffy pillows for your relaxation and pleasure.
And the Happiest 2008 to You Darlings who had a Most Wonderful New Year's Eve and also insisted on posing affectionately with their handsome and grateful driver...
I think they all had a great time.
Dump those guys! I still love you! All of you! See you next year!
I have a nice little arrangement with the office. I'll do the late night trips if they don’t wake me up before noon. Four in the morning is when I usually finish work, not start. But something told me to break out of my comfort zone when I was offered a 14 hour trip starting at 4:30 a.m. starting in a Philadelphia suburb going to Corona Park in Flushing, NY.
“Sure”, I said. “I’ll take that one”. I had been to Corona Park a few years earlier for the U.S. Tennis Open. I got some of my favorite photos there. My paperwork said something about an ice skating venue. I slept Friday night, woke up at midnight, had coffee and an omelet and drove to somewhere in or around Philadelphia, thank you, GPS! Standing in a darkened driveway, I called the office and asked if maybe they got the a.m. and p.m. mixed up. "Are you sure this isn't supposed to be 4:30 pm to 2:30 am?
Not a minute after I called, I was met by an attractive woman, a dark-haired teenage boy and a pretty young girl excitedly approaching my car in the dark dragging a Zuca bag with flashing wheels.
I soon learned that 10 year-old Alexandria was going to dress rehearsal for the 6th annual Stars, Stripes and Skates performance, a dazzling production on ice, produced by the Heritage Foundation of 9/11; a non-profit organization whose mission is to keep the memory and meaning of 9/11/01 alive in the minds and hearts of current and future generations of young people throughout
Olympic medalists, French Philippe Candeloro and Russian Oksana Baiul were scheduled to perform with the children, hundreds of whom would descend on the World’s Fair Ice Rink from many states around, with flashy smiles, flashing Zuca bags, flashy costumes and flashy moves on the ice.
Speaking of flashing… Gasps and Ooohs! erupted from the startled the crowd of men, women and children; some in dismay and some in delight; when Candeloro stripped down to his black briefs without warning or drama in a very quick costume change move--nothing you couldn't see at the local swimming pool. Unfortunately for you, my flash button was too slow to capture the excitement, but I did get a shirtless shot of Philippe from that moment.
The energy and excitement were pervasive throughout the arena. The show promises to be a real thrill. Here are a few casual snaps from the moment.
(Click for larger image) 
It says here that the limo has Hard On Buttons! But you're not supposed to push them. I wonder why? I guess that could be distracting while driving ... like talking on a cell phone ...
So, if YOU have a hardon for a hot limo and great night out, please Do Not Push Hard On Buttons Simply click the Lehigh Valley Limo . com link to arrange for a night to remember.
It's OK to have a law requiring people to buckle up in a car, but I always thought it would make a lot more sense to have a law requiring drivers to have both hands on the wheel while driving!!!
Now we're getting a step closer. Pennsylvania finally figured out what New York and New Jersey knew a long time ago.
Stand on a street corner some day in Pennsylvania and count. You will most likely find the MAJORITY of drivers are engaged in a cell phone conversation with a far-away look in their eyes. Click the header below to read The Act
AN ACT of the Pennsylvania Consolidated Statutes, prohibiting operators from using handheld mobile telephones.
§ 3316. Prohibiting use of handheld mobile telephones.
a) General rule.--Except as provided in subsection (b), no driver shall operate any moving vehicle on a highway of this Commonwealth, which shall include Federal, State and municipal highways, while using a handheld mobile telephone.
SUPPORTPLUS NORTHAMERICA, INC
LAKE FOREST CA 92630 USA
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Re: RMA for INVION GPS-4V1
Dear Sir or Madam:
As a full-time professional limousine driver, and director of the Lehigh Valley Limousine Driver’s Association, I find the InVion GPS-4V1 to be an incredible value. It provides genuine safety and a feeling of security. It provides on-the-fly convenience, precious time and fuel savings as well as education and entertainment, via the MP3 and MP4 playback features.
I cannot recommend the InVion GPS-4V1 highly enough. In fact, I have encouraged the owner of the company I work to purchase several of these same units for distribution to other drivers. He was so pleased that I had purchased this unit, knowing that his customers would be better served, that he gave me $100! I LOVE my InVion GPS-4V1!
The unit works great. The first time I used it on the job; I was dropping off passengers in an unfamiliar rural area. It was raining heavily. It was foggy. And it was late at night. I was lost!
Although I had previously mapped out my return to the garage, it was so dark, rainy and foggy that I couldn’t tell which direction I was going! I could barely even see the yellow line in the middle of the road! I was more than worried.
Imagine my comfort when a soothing voice spoke to me and said, “Turn right in 100 yards. Turn right, now.” It seemed like a miracle! As my INVION GPS-4V1 guided me through the rainy fog and darkness directly to the main highway I started calling it ‘my guardian angel’.
Well, why not? It was up in the heavens keeping an eye out for me and guiding me safely home through the darkness!
My youngest son started college this year. When I showed him my INVION GPS-4V1, he said, “This is something I really need!” I asked, “Why? You don’t even drive!” He showed me that you can set it for biking and hiking!
When we saw the built-in FM tuner I was so excited to think it functioned as a radio. I was disappointed when the radio wouldn’t play. Then, quite by accident I discovered the it wasn’t an FM receiver, but an FM transmitter!
I immediately purchased several SD cards and began transloading my audiobooks and mp3s to them. It was great fun and great value in listening to them while on long drives.
The INVION GPS-4V1 is well-designed and well-constructed. It functions flawlessly. Unfortunately, the SD card isn’t quite so durable. One day several weeks ago I carefully removed the InVion card and swapped it for another SD card with music for the trip. While placing the InVion SD card in its’ case, using only slight pressure, I heard a crack. One of the thin blue fins over the gold contacts gave way and my InVion was never to work again.
I was very upset and called your office. I spoke with Katie who was very knowledgeable and helpful. She told me I would be able to receive a new SD card with a free upgrade.
Sorry to ramble on, but I could go on for hours about this great piece of equipment. Thank you very much!
Yours truly,
http://www.LehighValleyLimo.com
http://www.LehighValleyBridals.com
...The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration released data showing there were 13,470 deaths in 2006 involving drivers and motorcycle operators with blood alcohol levels of .08 or higher, which is the legal limit for adults throughout the country.
The number was down slightly from 2005, when 13,582 people died in crashes involving legally drunk drivers...
One day last month I was scheduled to pick up an absolutely charming young couple of school teachers on their return to the Philadelphia airport from their honeymoon in Punta Cana. Congratulations Mr. & Mrs. Dean, of Wind Gap, PA! In all the excitement, I didn't get photos of you!
I was planning to leave Allentown a few hours early to visit a friend in Philly before my pickup--one of the perks of driving limos.
There was a last minute request, however, and I was asked to take the 
CEO of ROMIK, Inc. _____getname_____, and his niece, _____getname_____, who were visiting from Spain to the Philly airport. The change in schedule effectively ruined my personal plans for the day. you can hardly imagine how difficult it can be to make plans due to the constant changes we have to endure. I'll make that the subject of it's own post shortly.
The point of all this is not just to whine about my schedule--I like change! The point is to post the photo of the lovely _____getname_____, . OK, no, that's not it either! Well, sort of!
_____getname_____, had been admiring American stretch limousines since her arrival in this country. Mr. ___getname____, a practical executive type (who I found eating take-out pizza with his Manager, Tom Kramer and his Assistant, _____getname_____, prior to their departure from Allentown) certainly did NOT order a stretch limo for their journey to the airport, shareholders take note!
One could say it all boils down to The Law of Attraction and The Secret, as described by Rhonda Byrne in her phenomenal bestseller book and movie. The young lady who was so admiring of American stretch limos, happened to get one for her ride homeward, without even trying. I can tell you she was very excited and very happy. And so was everyone else from the CEO on down. Yep, even me!
While waiting for a pick-up at Philadelphia International (ask me about their reputation among limo drivers!) I was approached by a uniformed man with a PARKWAY GROUND SERVICES ID Tag on his jacket.
indignantly, as though there were a critical security breach.
This attractive, yet matronly traveler, at left, was caught unawares on my digi-cam at a popular New York area airport recently. I've enjoyed many moments wondering what, if anything, came between the soft warm flesh and the cold hard bench or how high is the hemline when she stands to hail a cab. Click the images for rude details.
I considered sitting in the limo for eight hours with the engine running and the AC keeping me nice and cool, but that would have drained the battery and I would have run out of gas. Furthermore, the adverse effect on global warming was preeminent in my mind. Believe it or not.
People walked and rode bicycles by without a glance. Even numerous police officers passed by me on foot, on scooter, on horseback, none of whom gave me a second look.
I was assigned a limo trip to Live Earth - the global event to raise awareness of global warming. I took a beautiful 10-passenger stretch limo from a small rural town near Allentown, PA to Giant Stadium at the Meadowlands in New Jersey.
It was a hot day in July. One of my passengers drove her car from Philadelphia to Allentown where she met her traveling companion. The two of them -- yes, the two of them -- rode in spacious air-conditioned luxury for the 200+ mile round trip to the concert.
When we arrived at the concert venue, which was swarming with tens of thousands of cars, cops, security and amusement park rides, my people decided that they would rather cruise around or park for a few hours and drink in the back of the limo with the air conditioner running before entering the concert. This we did for some two and a half hours. Then we drove directly to the stadium where traffic was directed in miles of convoluted circles before I was able to drop them off.
It seems to me that what we need to help combat the gigantic problem of global warming isn't a concert, but maybe just a gigantic global air conditioner!
If a picture is worth a thousand
words, I'll just shut up now
and you can read the images for the story of Tasha's beautiful Sweet Fifteen
Celebration. Congratulations, Tasha! It was an honor and a pleasure to
be your Chauffeur for this special occasion.
All Photos © 2007 C.Cross, Lehigh Valley, PA
Click the pic for a larger view
You kids nowadays! You're SO poised and graceful and polite and beautiful and well-behaved and I'm SO jealous!
Not really! I consider myself very fortunate to have the privilege of driving each and every one of you fine young men and women--the leaders of tomorrow--to the Nazareth Area High School Junior Senior Prom.
Yes, that's the King of the Prom with the King of the Limo Drivers!
Congratulations to all of you and let me offer a genuine "Thank You!" for letting me share your success and excitement. Please remember that I want to be your personal chauffeur for each of your weddings and your parties and your children's proms and weddings, too!
Sincerely,
Chris
OK, he didn't really cry. Until the next morning probably. It was however written on his fuzzy bunny ears in some kind of eerie premonition that something bad was going to happen. "I'M F*CKED! HELP ME! I'm getting Married!" was the message.
It was so cute! He wore those fuzzy bunny ears and smiled like a virgin all night long as his randy buddies plied him with drinks and lap dances and dollar bills to stuff in the panties and cleavage of the oh-so-friendly strippers at the Creekside Cabaret.
Now it was Show Time! The bouncer yelled into the microphone and called the bachelor up to the stage. Three sexy young women greeted him onstage in their clear plastic hi-heels, bouncy bare boobs and g-strings. They took him by the hand, guiding him up the steps, like they were spokesmodels on "The Wheel of Fortune".
They sat him on a chair and tied his hands over his head to a stripping pole. "Sniff the pole!" his buddies yelled!
One lovely, leggy stripper sat on his shoulders while another shook her boobs in his face and a third spread his legs and performed a mock BJ. The drinks flowed and the crowd screamed.
"OK!" the bouncer yelled after a couple of minutes, "Face on the floor; ass in the air!" They untied his hands and he laid face-down on the stage. Another sexy stripper sat down in front of him; spread her legs and slid her crotch right up into his face. "Yummy", he drooled!
"Ass in the air!" the bouncer yelled again and our eager bachelor complied. What he didn't see was two hot honeys, standing behind him, one on each side, each with a thick leather belt in her hand.
W-H-A-C-K-K-K!! goes the belt across his ass and his face recoils into her honey pot. W-H-A-C-K-K-K!! it goes again, full force as the models smile. W-H-A-C-K-K-K!! W-H-A-C-K-K-K!!they both strike his ass just seconds apart as hard as they can, and I really mean as hard as they can! Each W-H-A-C-K-K-K!! buries his face deeper into the warm moist treasure, but he's too drunk to enjoy it, understand it or remember it. And he won't feel the pain--until tomorrow.
W-H-A-C-K-K-K!! goes the belt and the girls are whacking with such force that they pause to implore the bouncer with facial gestures, "Is this OK? Can we do it again? Are we gonna really hurt this guy?", they seem to ask.
An evil grin and a gentle nod is all they needed for another couple of W-H-A-C-K-K-Ks!! He didn't feel a thing.
He enjoyed the 90-minute ride home in the luxury limousine, totally passed out. I would have hated to have those welts on my ass in the morning. I wonder if he showed them or explained what happened to his fiancee. I wonder if he was able to sit down for a week. I wonder if he saw a doctor.
Oh well, at least he had a good time!
I've driven many executives and celebrities to Baltimore, Boston, New York and Washington, D.C. I've heard more than one of them say, "This is better than flying!"
Why? Here are just a few reasons.
